sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me

Well, atleast that's how the saying goes & usually for me it's true. It takes a lot for someone to actually hurt my feelings and usually the only people that CAN hurt my feelings are people that i care about the most...and well i wouldn't really say this person hurt my feelings exactly but, they definately hit a nerve.
I was told tonight by someone that "they hope my marriage fails quickly"....wow! now, they said a lot of other really mean things to me but, this is the one that hit me right in the gut. You hope my marriage fails quickly? really?...what could i have EVER done that bad for someone to wish that upon me? Now, this person is not a friend of mine(anymore) They once were, i suppose about 4 or 5 years ago when i was dating an ex, let's just say...this person told me something about this certain ex that i didn't believe & chose the ex's side instead...okay, so yes i see that the person that told me was trying to be a friend i get that but, i was also 18 or 19 years old...young, naieve, and blinded by "love". Majority of girls my age back then would have reacted the same way...this person has been holding this grudge against me for that long. I apparently told the whole town what happened, FALSE! I told a few of my best friends at the time that i thought could be trusted, of course i was 18 or 19 i believed everyone back then. Those "friends" of course decided to twist my story a bunch of different ways to this person & instead of this person asking me they believed them. I've apologized a bunch of times to this person about not believing her then, but that was then and this is now i'm older now & have learned a great deal from my mistakes, I got out of that relationship(4-5 years ago!) & am with someone that makes me happier than i have ever been. I do not speak ill of ANY of the parties involved and never have & have always wished the best for every single one of them including the ex..people don't work out & that's the way it goes, we both found better for us & that should be all that matters. But, to wish that my marriage fails quickly is the one of the most horrible things you could say to someone.
And continuing to harrass me about this 4-5 years later is ridiculous & spreading rumors about me? calling me a slut? I've never been with anyone that was not my boyfriend. I've been in 4 "serious" relationships since i was 15(and now i'm 23) and 1 of them is now my husband. And, whatever "good friend" of mine that told this person that i admitted to YOU that i had an STD, you seriously need to check yourself again. I was cheated on by an ex, i got checked and I was clean since then i have had two boyfriends now 1 of them is my husband both have them have both been clean the whole time. So, whoever that so-called "good friend" of mine is you better hope i don't find out it was you spreading this stuff about me.
I am a very good person & i respect everyone i meet. I'm not sure why people always thought it was OK to attack me, bully me, or pick on me ever since i started middle school. I'm human and i have family & friends who do love and care about me and want the best for me & i can't ever help to think about how i'd feel if someone has been doing this to my kid for years no matter what their age & how would you feel? If your kid was being bullied for really no reason at all or if someone you loved & cared about was being attacked & harrassed? thats the kinds of things i think about before i ever talk about, talk down, pick on, harrass, attack, or bully anyone. I always tell myself..."Someone out there loves & cares about that person" I wish more people could think like that. I am a normally pretty cheerful person & i try to be there for everyone i can be. But, today i was a little hurt that someone could still talk like this to me after so long & not even knowing who i am anymore.

I wish my husband was here to make everything better because, i know he would. I am beyond lucky...no, not lucky BLESSED to have someone like him that loves me for who i am, cares about me, & wants nothing more than to protect me. Even though he is miles away our marriage is very strong & i don't need to see him everyday or hear from him everyday to know that he loves me more each day. I can feel his love from miles away & it's strong. I have no doubt in my mind that our marriage will continue to be strong & full of love when he gets home. :)

Always Remember, that people have feelings & everyone in this world is cared about and loved, Put yourself in other peoples shoes before you judge them, and remember rumors are just THAT rumors, unless they are told to you by the person in question, don't believe what others have to say about someone & always make your own decisions.
And of course, you don't have to like me or agree with me but, if anything please respect me.

When i was afraid of everything, I was never afraid to love you

Hey Ya'll :) Well, i'm just sitting here working on school work(blah) i'm almost finished with this one class i have one more test to go!! i am so over these basic learning classes already & i have SOOO many more to get through!! if you didn't know i'm going to school for Early Childhood Education...eek! not quite sure what i want to do with it yet but atleast it's something :) i think i want to either be a Child Psychologist or a Socail worker one day so eventually i will be getting my Master's in one of those. Long way to go though!!! So, no skype date happened :( the connection over there was horrible...but it's all good because i still go to hear from him and that is more than enough :) So far i am still hanging in there...staying a positive as i can :) i can't believe i've been holding up SO WELL!! Even though i miss the hell out of him i'm doing really well with this and as far as i can tell so is he!! We've got this!!! the days are flying by...soon it will be spring and then summer! i know once the warm weather hits i will be golden & i will continue to keep myself busy and positive! I am certainly going to kick this deployments ass that's for damn sure!

Tonight i went to the little girl i watch's(Katie) talent show :) She did AWESOME!!! She's a gymnast and that was her talent...she rocked it, for sure. Girl always talks about how she is going to be an olypmic medalist! i hope she does someday :) Tomorrow i am going with one of my best friends to the mall and i'm going to build a bear to build something for A!!! i have to make 'Sailor Bear' a wife! 'Sailor Bear' is the bear A made me a few christmases ago and he's my rock through all the underways and deployments!!! So, i figured time for me to send A something that reminds him of me to be his rock when i'm not there! and that will be sent in care package #2 :) i am super excited...I can't wait for A to finally come home he's told me he's bought me so much and i can't wait...he always said that my engagement ring now was just a "for right now" kind of ring and he wanted to buy me something bigger when he was gone...well he did! I would have never asked him to do that i LOVE my original engagement ring SO MUCH!!! but he will do what he wants! A also got another tattoo...which i wasn't as pleased about because i don't think the needs to be wasting his money on it but whatever because this just means it's MY turn to get the tattoo i've been wanting for awhile now! haha!

I have not gone to join the gym yet...i've just been so busy with trying to get this class done so i can start on my next one and just keep rolling with these tests and classes i want to hurry up and get my degree so i can get a grown-up job! i'm ready for it!!! but, i will join the gym as soon as i can...hopefully maybe possibly this weekend. I've got so much stuff coming up...it's going to be a crazy couple of months but it's going to make the time go by faster i hope!!! My deployment chain is getting smaller and smaller i LOVE it!!! :) I can;t believe it's already Feb 11th...i could have sworn yesterday was Feb 1st...where are my days going? staying positive & busy is deff the way to go during this time...i thought my nights and days would drag i'd be so miserable but nope...i'm kicking ass! avoiding all the negative people is deff the way to go also...i just don't want to surround myself with those people that complain all the time and constantly talk about how they want to leave their BF's...if you're so unhappy then just get out of this lifestyle...it's not for everyone and obviously you have so many doubts then you just need to walk away...if you think negatively then your situation will be a negative one...that's the way i see it.

I've also learned that age does not equal maturity...sometimes the people that you look up to as your elders are the most immature people ever. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed i am in the way some "adults" deal with certain situations esp when someone a lot younger tries to do the right thing and have an adult conversation about it & you get nothing back in return. I've never seen an "adult" act so childish in my life...it is a complete disappointment to me & i can't even begin to explain how upset it makes me that they can't let things go and accept that things happened the way they did and it was for the best. but, i tried & that's it...now the ball is in their court. whatever happens now is up to them! but, enough about that...

I'm so glad i have my husband to be there for me and back me up 100%...people doubt him so much and i don't understand why. He is a very dependable strong man & i wish MORE people saw him that way...i met him when he was 16 and he has grown SO MUCH & matured so much. He always tells me..."Me and you...just us two" and "it's us against the world" and i always thought well what about everyone else? our families? our friends? Well, now i see why he says it. Because, no matter what him and i go through seperately and when we deal with people that don't support our decisions, at the end of the day IT IS just "me and you...just us two" and IT IS just "us against the world" and as long as we have each other we're golden...because only we know how WE feel and we support our decision and each other and no one can tell him or us otherwise...those words mean everything to me now. I am so thankful to have him in my life :)
& i can't wait to see what our future holds...
till next time...
xoxo, C

Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger...

Hey everyone! :) Hope everyone is doing well! I've been doing fabulous...still truckin' along! Well the Packers won the SUPER BOWL! i was super excited even though i didn't win any $$$ this year but, it's okay because the Steelers lost!!! YESSSS! Yesterday was my parents 30th Wedding Anniversary! We went to Olive Garden for dinner & it was yummy! I wish A could have been here with us but, he will be someday! :) i'm about to sit down here and watch the new episode of TEEN MOM tonight! yippy! i love all my shows that come on every week they make the weeks go by quicker! then i'll probably work on some school work, pop in a movie, & hit the sack! Hoping for skype date with A tomorrow...if he gets a good wi-fi connection somewhere over there! haha I'm going to have a busy couple of months coming up with baby showers, bridal showers, & weddings galore! plus throwing in a RACE weekend in there somewhere!

I still have not joined the gym yet...ugh ive been so unmotivated by the cold weather! but i need to get a membership asap & start tanning so i can look good for these weddings i have coming up!! i'm so tired of being pale! yuck! i think maybe i'll try and go tomorrow to sign up...or thursday! haha! i forgot i can't leave the computer much tomorrow so i can possibly catch the husband on skype!!! I wish he was comin home i'm ready for my presents he's been buying me while he's been gone!!! haha Time for me to start care package #2 for him :) I'm way excited to actually get a chance to decorate this one for him since i'll have time & extra money to do so!

I am really glad my husband tries to contact me...not to rub it into anyones face but some people aren't that lucky & i'm super glad my husband tries to email me or call me whenever he might get the chance...i've heard that there are some husbands on board who have been refusing to call their wives and they barely get any emails & some of these husbands have kids at home. you'd think they would want to call to atleast talk to their child...it's very sad but i'm lucky that my husband takes some time out of his day even if he is DEAD TIRED to atleast send me a "Hey baby just wanted to let you know i was thinking about you & i love you" that's all i need to get through most days :) So, i just want to say THANK YOU to my husband he really doesn't know how much i appreciate what he tries to do for me to keep me sane & happy here. I love him to pieces! :)

Well, that's all for tonight not much else going on! lot's to get done soon...& teen mom is on! till next time..
xoxo, C

And i'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes...

Hey Ya'll :) Well good news my debit card has FINALLY arrived! 2 months of trying to get it and finally it arrived...i feel a lot better now! bills are now all caught up and paid...now i just have to get presents for the birthdays i missed with no card :( Tomorrow i'm going to officially change my name! Exciting! :) and Thursday is my awesome little nephew's 2nd birthday! I can't believe he's turning 2! they grow up so fast! Things have been well around here...still staying positive and enjoying what i do get to hear from A! I feel very lucky & blessed that i do get the communication i do with him :)

Staying positive has helped me get through this so far! i keep myself as busy as i can :) I do school work, I read, I hang out with friends & family, I hang out with an awesome 10 year old every afternoon, & I do anything i can to keep my mind busy! So far, everything i do has been working so, i'm going to keep it up! I know i can get through this and can't wait till i see the light at the end of the this tunnel! :)

I've been reading a book called "Water for Elephants" i heard it was really good but i'm having a hard time getting into it right now...it's supposed to be a movie too so i want to hurry up and finish it before it comes out! I also go Snooki's books on my kindle...haha for some reason i kind of wanted to read that train wreck :) and after Snooki's books i'm going to start reading the Chelsea Lately books! I need to start reading more though...every single day so i can get through all these books!

Super Bowl sunday is coming up!!! i can't wait...i just really hope the STEELERS do not win another superbowl, i really hope the Packers can pull this out :) I mean i really wish the Redskins were in the super bowl ;) haha but we all know that's next years...(hahahah) we'll see! I'm ready for warm weather...I can't wait to skimboard again & when the hubby gets home i want to go surfin' with him! tomorrow it's supposed to be almost 70 degrees & it's such a tease! because thursday it's supposed to go back down the 40's...not fair! come on spring, just come on! Anyways i think i've rambled enough on this blog! not much else to say tonight!! if other military ladies ready this...remember to stay positive! :) ignore the bad, embrace the good. and always always keep your heads up! till next time...
xoxoxo, C

You had to go, I understand But you swore that you'd be back again And so I'm frozen in this town 'til summer comes around

Hello people :) So more days have passed & they've gotten harder...I still do not have my debit card from Navy Federal yet and it's really starting to piss me off. it's ridiculous that it's taken almost 3 months for me to recieve it! A and I have bills piling up that are due in Feb and i can't pay them without my debit card. it is straight ridiculous i've called numerous times and so has A and we've also BOTH sent them nasty emails...it's just so frustrating and it really sucks because A can't do much about it right now...ugh! i just don't even want to talk about it anymore :( blah!

My Dog, Layla, has been having seizures recently! i feel so bad for her...my dad saw it first and then i happened to see it one night and it scared the shit out of me! I don't like to see that stuff & i was in tears! :( my poor baby...i wish there as something i can do but honestly there isn't. I hope she's okay. We're probably going to have to take her to the Vet so she can get some tests run! But i've done some research and sometimes small dogs just have them & there is nothing wrong with them. Ugh! poor dogs! :(

I still get emails on a regular basis...& i also made his first care package! and it's all packed up and ready to ship tomorrow!! & i wish my Macbook wasn't broken so i could skype with him soon when he can. So, frustrating i bought this expensive computer with a webcam and this is the 3rd time it's been broken :( all i want to do is be able to Skype with my love...that's it! haha Might have to use Dad's computer to skype with him! we'll see...not much else has been going on lately! I would love to vent about a few things but i don't know who reads this haha and i don't want to step on anyone's toes right now ;) but if things don't get better i might just have to put it all out there even if they do read this on a regular basis...so be prepared. Well it's getting late so i'm going to hit the sack soon! Till next time...
xoxo, C

back in action

Hey friends! sorry it's been awhile...i have been without a computer for a few weeks so i haven't had a chance to update :) Well the big day came and went...and surprisingly i only cried a little. I cried on the way home :( but since then i've had a lot of supportive friends keeping me busy!! they've been the BEST! My rough days have YET to come and i kidna hope they never come...but i'm thinking it hasn't sunk in quite yet, to me this just feels like an underway. Not much has been going on...i'm withput a debit card so it's making my life a bit difficult...i switched to A's bank back in umm let's see NOVEMBER and have yet to recieve my card...yup and it's the middle of January now...nice huh? can't pay the bills without that damn thing. I've called NUMEROUS times i have NO IDEA where they have been sending my debit cards...but it's deff not where i told them too. I got a pin # for one...but then no card after. kinda strange...and i've been checking the account...nothing funky going on there either so someone isn't STEALING them...i have no idea WHAT IS GOING ON! but if i don't get it asap...i think A and I will be taking our business else where ASAP!

I do miss A :( but i'm glad i've heard from him...that's all i need. I don't even care HOW i hear from him as long as i do...there are some peoplr that aren't as lucky but i'm glad mine wants to take the time to make sure he somehow communicates with me :) Oh, BTW...we officially told everyone we got married. Yup, we held it in as long as we could...some people were confused, some people were happy, some peopler were extremely supportive, & some people well...just didn't really seem to be happy or supportive or even say congrats. but, to THOSE people...we didn't do anything wrong. we're adults...A made a VERY adult decision and a MAN decision in my opinion to make sure if anything happened to him that I would be taken care of...I would have NEVER asked him to do that but it was something he wanted to do...he wanted to make sure that i'd be well taken care of if god forbid anything happened to him while he was gone...not many people would even think to consider that & i honestly think some people just do not understand...and i wish people would realize guess what? we were getting married ANYWAYS..which is why in JULY he asked me to marry him so i'm not sure where the big SHOCK came from? maybe because i didn't have a real wedding at first...but we are having a real wedding...but we couldn't do that till AFTER deployment. So to those people who aren't supportive & think it's stupid & we're too young & whatever else that could be going through those HEADS of yours...you're wrong. We're not too young & it's not stupid...& you're wrong for not supporting people who made an adult decision and who are truly happy with each other...if you knew anything about A and I and the things we've done for each other and been through together you'd think otherwise...& if you don't know i'd gladly fill you in on our story anytime you'd like :) just ask...but to warn you it's pretty long ;) it starts back to him being 16 :) didn't think we knew each other that long? you're wrong again :) :)

okay END RANT...whew...nice to finally get some of those words off my chest. they've been building up for quite sometime...but now i wrote it down and its out in open and anyone can do with them what they please... :) but well it's 1:31am and i have to wake up soon to get ready for my nephew's bday party at chuck e cheese :) whoo hoo. i'll update as soon as i can...till next time...
xoxox, C

the days keep coming without fail.

i'm having a hard time accepting that it's already jan 7th...really? time is just going by WAY too fast & i wish there was a way i could make it stop :( Leave is over & now it's almost time for the thing i've been dreading most...A and i figured out that we've just got so much stress built up about me having to move back home and not being able to get a job to help contribute to the bills :( sucks...but i'll be able to get one now that i know i'll be staying back home while he's gone & of course we're both stressing out about him being gone for so long...it is coming so fast & i'm just not sure i'm ready for it yet...but ready or not here it comes....

I am going to try so hard to make these last days the BEST i can when he's home!! no more stressing out about things i can't control because they are going to happen regardless of the way i'm feel about it. Life is going to continue to turn without him & i've got to try and stay as positive as i can while he's gone!! A had to shave off all his scruffyness :( it made it very real that it was almost time to go back...uh oh! A and I wanna get tattoos before he leaves...we're hoping his friend can do it possibly sunday before but we'll see :) :) i'm kind of excited about it!!!

Well not much else to talk about...A went to be cause he's got to be at work tomorrow then we have to go find a storage unit to store all of our furniture while he's gone! we're hoping to buy a house when he comes back...i'm so excited for that & we'll be able to finally get a dog!!! yay! :) i'm really hoping these days continue to fly by so he'll be home as fast as he left! but i'll be keeping ya'll updated!!
till next time...
xoxo, C